The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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