She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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