it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
