If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
