I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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