One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
