She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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