I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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