sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
