its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
