I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
