so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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