it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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