Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
