It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
