I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
