he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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