Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
