Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
