More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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