Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
