Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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