Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
false alarm. still invincible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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