He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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