I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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