some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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