He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
