so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
