while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
