Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
