Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
