when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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