just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
