I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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