it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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