I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
