where am i from again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
