I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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