im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
