Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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