Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
