I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i came on her dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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