just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
