We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
