Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...

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(310): I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on... http://tfl.nu/l298

Replies (67) Good night (2200) Bad night (1134)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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(662): Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning (780): I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk http://tfl.nu/o2k0

Replies (17) Good night (2683) Bad night (1042)
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(503): View more from Oregon

after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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(503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni

Replies (15) Good night (5263) Bad night (724)
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(703): View more from Virginia

You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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(703): You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl? http://tfl.nu/mavc

Replies (75) Good night (3500) Bad night (7271)
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(571): View more from Virginia

You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Darwin at his finest.

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(571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd

Replies (25) Good night (5941) Bad night (1273)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

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(816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00

Replies (35) Good night (1373) Bad night (14058)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

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(+44): You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery. http://tfl.nu/036p

Replies (7) Good night (1413) Bad night (2168)
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(281): View more from Texas

Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday

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(281): Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday http://tfl.nu/9ias

Replies (14) Good night (1519) Bad night (2912)
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(949): View more from California

Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.

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(949): Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices. http://tfl.nu/flw8

Replies (6) Good night (3309) Bad night (1359)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you

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(262): When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you http://tfl.nu/zf8b

Replies (8) Good night (3360) Bad night (1275)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.

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(808): Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry. http://tfl.nu/7pno

Replies (4) Good night (2664) Bad night (774)
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(283): View more from Ohio

by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?

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(283): by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours? http://tfl.nu/2a7f

Replies (6) Good night (1999) Bad night (754)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.

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(410): I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it. http://tfl.nu/7121

Replies (9) Good night (578) Bad night (882)
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(812): View more from Indiana

No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.

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(812): No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety. http://tfl.nu/ybkw

Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (532)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?

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(610): Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko? http://tfl.nu/8pln

Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (360)

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