There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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