Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

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  (212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up http://tfl.nu/jzw8
  Replies (30) Good night (1183) Bad night (4912)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (8043) Bad night (822)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.

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  (215): epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally. http://tfl.nu/x2ht
  Replies (17) Good night (1275) Bad night (3509)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"

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  (419): Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?" http://tfl.nu/fz6y
  Replies (26) Good night (1030) Bad night (4564)
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  (916): View more from California

  Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.

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  (916): Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life. http://tfl.nu/lqwm
  Replies (17) Good night (1289) Bad night (3550)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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  (617): i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no. http://tfl.nu/n7ti
  Replies (6) Good night (5372) Bad night (1036)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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  (262): Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life. http://tfl.nu/enlv
  Replies (15) Good night (1056) Bad night (3135)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)

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  (206): Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :) http://tfl.nu/j8zz
  Replies (20) Good night (3944) Bad night (752)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"

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  (541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/tdde
  Replies (11) Good night (2900) Bad night (624)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.

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  (506): I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside. http://tfl.nu/nmit
  Replies (2) Good night (480) Bad night (932)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.

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  (817): I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good. http://tfl.nu/zf93
  Replies (2) Good night (1038) Bad night (398)
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  (650): View more from California

  I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?

  (831): View more from California

  I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak

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  (650): I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up? (831): I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak http://tfl.nu/xa8u
  Replies (4) Good night (1532) Bad night (430)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.

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  (513): Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for. http://tfl.nu/4mzo
  Replies (0) Good night (409) Bad night (240)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.

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  (503): It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings. http://tfl.nu/z3ih
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (336)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me

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  (217): Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me http://tfl.nu/45vc
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (236)

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