All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation