i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.