Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

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  (817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1339) Bad night (666)
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  (805): View more from California

  Soap is not a condiment

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  (805): Soap is not a condiment http://tfl.nu/gm1k
  Replies (6) Good night (699) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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  (713): I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit? http://tfl.nu/mgmc
  Replies (78) Good night (847) Bad night (3090)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.

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  (757): You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy. http://tfl.nu/hg9j
  Replies (81) Good night (2180) Bad night (5171)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

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  (815): I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too. http://tfl.nu/hrck
  Replies (26) Good night (4630) Bad night (927)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before

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  (908): I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before http://tfl.nu/y7l7
  Replies (15) Good night (4759) Bad night (681)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

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  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5593) Bad night (1136)
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  (949): View more from California

  He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.

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  (949): He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/d65z
  Replies (18) Good night (3146) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?

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  (713): OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'? http://tfl.nu/3dip
  Replies (16) Good night (4229) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Thanks bro

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  (319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10
  Replies (9) Good night (1008) Bad night (1727)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?

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  (702): Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right? http://tfl.nu/4gj4
  Replies (8) Good night (1613) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...

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  (315): Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper... http://tfl.nu/s6hc
  Replies (6) Good night (584) Bad night (1060)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

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  (307): I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER. http://tfl.nu/f0gg
  Replies (7) Good night (1003) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you

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  (707): He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you http://tfl.nu/2xma
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (360)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world

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  (574): Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world http://tfl.nu/cii5
  Replies (6) Good night (544) Bad night (336)

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