i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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