ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
