all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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