Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
