if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
