I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
