But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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