I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
