Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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