I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You dont lie about slip and slides
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
