I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
