If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
