it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
