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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
