I will die if light touches me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
