Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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