Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
