I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
