please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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