The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just took my morning after pill in the library
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined the universe
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
